The Clog • Our First Night In An RV Park

Hi, I’m Greg and this is Kara. (see photo)

At the time of this tale, we are on a maiden voyage as full-time RVers.

It’s our first time staying at an RV park.

And today is the day we drain our black water tank.

The one next to the gray water tank in the underbelly of our travel trailer.

Yep, the poopy one.

Kara is all smiles as she dresses up for this dirty job.

She puts on a baseball cap, protective eyeglasses, face mask, and rubber gloves.

She can’t wait to get this party started.

You see, Kara is a licensed esthetician.

She cleans and cares for people’s skin.

She’s also an enthusiastic pimple popper.

And yes, the grosser… the better.

She really wants to see what’s in that tank.

To begin, “we” unbox a new toy called the Rhino Blaster; a hose attachment made of clear plastic for anyone’s viewing pleasure.

Although Kara is dressed for success, she’s reluctant to connect everything to the nearby in-ground septic tank.

Securing these connections is a risk she is not willing to take.

So, Kara recruits me.

The one she trusts to keep her out of harm’s way.

Me: “No problem, I got this.”

“According to my research on YouTube, all I have to do is the following;

First, connect the Rhino Blaster between the tank-hose and the tank-outlet.

Next, connect the other side of the tank-hose to an elbow-shaped attachment.

Then, secure the elbow-shaped attachment to the septic tank so it doesn’t pop out.

Finally, connect the water-hose between the Rhino Blaster and the water spigot.”

“And that’s all.”

“What could possibly go wrong?”

Now that all connections are secure, Kara is ready to open the gate to the black water tank.

Me: “Okay, ready… 1, 2, 3… Release The Kraken!”

Kara giggles and pulls open the gate.

A stinky slurry rushes out of the tank into the Rhino Blaster to an unexpected stop.

I gasped; “Oh crap… it’s stuck.”

Kara recoils with horror, wonder, and astonishment.

Kara: “Houston, we have a poopy problem.”

Not knowing what to do, I call the Rhino Blaster people with high hopes for a speedy solution.

And of course, I get the one dude with lots of questions, no answers, and funny comments;

“Looks like y’all up Schitt’s creek wit outta paddle.”

In a last-ditch effart, I say confidently:

“Let us turn on the water spigot… all the way!”

“This will create the pressure we need… to dislodge the dookie dam… once and for all!”

Kara: “Okay, whatever… ready? 1, 2, 3, GO!”

The water-hose stiffens as water blasts through the butt truffles and into the tank.

The pressure builds with each passing second but still… the booty doody won’t budge.

To make matters worse, if the tank fills too much, it will overflow into the bathroom.

Too much time is passing, so I quickly turn off the water, detach the water-hose, and hang my head in defeat.

This… was a big… mistake. Huuuge!

The soft serve sludge slowly overflows out of the water-hose hole.

Dripping and splattering onto the pristine concrete.

The stench socks me in the nose and panic sets in.

Me: “Okay, here’s the plan… I’ll close the gate, detach the Rhino Blaster, and jump out of the way.”

“Then, you turn the water back on and squirt the Hershey squirts into the nearby gravel. Ready?”

Kara: “No! We can’t squirt everything into the gravel and expect it to magically disappear!”

“And stop saying squirt!”

“I’ll just spray everything over the concrete, you sweep it into the dustpan, walk your happy ass across the gravel, and pour it into the septic tank. Got it?”

Me: “Okay, ready? 1, 2, 3, GO!”

I twist off the Rhino Blaster and the poop soup plops out onto the concrete splattering everything in its path.

It’s a freakin’ horror show.

And the smell… it must have detonated over the whole RV park.

With water-hose in hand, Kara successfully sprays the butt mud out over the concrete including the cheeky chunkies away from the gravel.

Meanwhile, the maintenance man is giving us the ole stink-eye as he rides by in his little ole golf cart.

Needless to say, we took the hint, cleaned up, and departed that RV park forever.

Seriously, from the beginning, Kara wanted a composting toilet which utilizes a grey water tank rather than a black water tank.

However, I was against it.

And for good reason.

A composting toilet comes with a strict sit-down pee policy that I just could not subscribe to.

Not to mention, there’s uncanny resemblance to our kitty litter disposal routine.

What can I say?

In light of this traumatizing experience, we immediately ordered the damn toilet.

Oh yeah… what caused that clog?

Well, due to some clever packaging, “we” overlooked a doo-hickey.

A little piece of plastic that allows water to flow into the tank but not backward, preventing contamination of the water-hose.

Yep, it was packed into the business end of the Rhino Blaster.

Ironically, it’s called a Back Flow Preventer.

Also known as… The Clog.

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